A person who suffers with chronic pain may have difficulty with personal relationships with both friends and family members. The sufferer may appear easily distracted, may be moody or respond negatively to events and may be particularly sensitive to comments made in jest. Caring for someone who lives with chronic pain can prove difficult and frustrating and the pain can be frightening, not only for the person experiencing it, but also for people close to them.

Most of us will have experienced the pain of injury or acute illness, but the condition will have settled and the pain disappears. Chronic pain is different as it does not go away, creating a feeling of frustration and helplessness. At present medical science does not have any clear answers for chronic pain and many different treatments may be trialed before a positive result is found. Often the cause of chronic pain cannot be found using current medical technology and this adds to the frustrations and leads to the question whether the pain is real or not. Questioning the pain may be particularly hurtful to the person who is in pain and can damage the relationship between carer and sufferer.

Just as the sufferer of chronic pain has to learn to live with their situation, so too does their carer, and strategies need to be in place to create the best quality of life under the circumstances. These strategies will be different for each individual, partnership or circumstance but there are basic rules that can help in most cases:

• When your partner goes for medical consultations and physical therapies, go with them and learn what is being done and what results can be expected.
• Learn all you can about the medicines your partner is taking so that you can be aware of side effects and what the medicines are for so that you can help them manage wisely. Keep a list of medicines to take to the doctor, clinic or hospital.
• Learn all you can about 'chronic pain' so that you have a greater understanding of what your partner is going through.
• Learn managing strategies from pain management clinics, books, support groups and links such as this web site.
• Learn to balance what you do for your partner and what they need to do for themselves.
• Encourage your partner to be as physically and mentally active as possible.
• Say what you are thinking, don't let gestures speak for you.
• Show appreciation when your partner does something for themselves or takes the initiative, this is good for their self-esteem.
• Accept that feelings of anger and guilt are normal under these circumstances and try to not to mirror any of your partner's negative emotions.
• Look for fun activities that both you and your partner can do.
• Take 'time-out' for yourself, caring for someone with chronic pain can be exhausting and you will need times to recharge.